Why Trauma Therapists Can’t Leave Work at Work

A Shame-free Way to Overcome Therapist Burnout

Ever felt like that age-old advice to “leave work at work” is nothing more than a guilt trip, setting you up to feel like a failure the moment you think about a client outside your office? 

You're not alone - although the intent is to protect us from burnout, this supposedly essential strategy ends up piling on more shame and exhaustion in the long run. 

In The BRAVE Trauma Therapist Collective, we challenge this outdated notion and focus on healthy, realistic ways to transition between our many roles.

No longer do we have to try and become a different person at the end of the workday; instead we can honor our essential humanity and the important work we do as trauma therapists! 

Your Inner Dialogue and Therapist Burnout

What’s your inner dialogue each time you find yourself replaying a tough session during dinner, or feeling a client's pain while trying to finally enjoy the weekend? 

The constant mental chatter isn't just frustrating; it's downright draining!

Getting caught in this shame cycle quickly leads to lots of “I’m not good enoughs” -

• I’m not a good enough trauma therapist

• I’m not a good enough friend/parent/human

• I’m not a good enough __________ 

Here’s the thing though - as trauma therapists, we care so deeply about our clients that it’s totally unrealistic to expect us to simply switch that off the moment our billable hours end. 

It feels like you're constantly chasing a work-life balance that seems just out of reach!

The Fundamental Flaw

But what if the problem isn't that you care too much, but that the advice you're following is fundamentally flawed? 

Instead of trying to compartmentalize your life into rigid, unrealistic boxes, what if you could find flexible, compassionate ways to transition from your role as a trauma therapist into your personal life? 

These meaningful transitions will help you nurture both your clients and yourself without one overshadowing the other. From small rituals to mindful practices, let’s explore how to bring more balance, ease, and fulfillment into your daily routine.

Therapist Transitions, Not Fake Walls

One effective way to start adding transitions between roles as a trauma therapist is to develop meaningful rituals that help you move from one thing to the next. 

For some trauma therapists, this might be adding a grounding exercise at the end of each workday, taking five minutes to center yourself using the 5-4-3-2-1 technique.

Engaging our senses in this way forces us to be in the present - we can’t smell anything from yesterday or touch anything from tomorrow!

Something I learned from a mentor in grad school was adding a physical transition, like changing your shoes. This small, tactile change can signal to your brain that it's time to switch gears from therapist mode to personal time or vice versa. 

And, if you’re like me, and no longer have a commute (hello WFH!), adding a short walk at the end of your day can make a big difference.

Whether it’s walking your dog, your cat, your ferret, or just taking a brisk walk around the block, this can do wonders to clear your mind and create space between your professional and personal life.

Transitioning Into Resilience

Developing transitions throughout your day can make a big difference if you’re also trying to build up your Vicarious Resilience reserves. One way we do this in The BRAVE Trauma Therapist Collective is by using a tool I created called the Soft Transitions Exercise. 

Soft Transitions is something I learned from Brian Miller in his book Reducing Secondary Traumatic Stress. I have taken his work and adapted it so that it not only helps us move between our many roles but also helps us identify, install, and enhance vicarious resilience. 

This tool can be completed in 3-5 minutes, whether at the end of your day or any time you need to move into another part of your life. It allows you to notice moments of vicarious resilience, to get cognitive and plan for what’s next, and to land in a place of gratitude for others. 

You get to decide what kinds of transitions work best in your life but know this - learning how to add in these simple, yet profoundly effective practices, will help you reduce the guilt and shame you feel with not being able to "leave work at work." 

Imagine the freedom you’ll feel when you can move between your roles with greater ease and compassion for yourself!

Where to Start?

We’re trauma therapists - we tell people to do this stuff for a living!! That said, walking the walk is tough. 

So, just start with the small stuff and see what sticks. 

• Maybe it's lighting a specific candle when you get home or brewing a cup of soothing herbal tea. 

• Find a tactile element—something you can see, touch, or smell. 

• Have a special notebook that you use only for soft transitions. 

By starting small, you’ll get to experiment, see what works, and toss the rest!

Remember, it’s not about setting rigid walls between your roles; it’s about creating flexible, compassionate ways to honor all aspects of who you are.

Take these insights to heart, and let’s shift from merely surviving to truly thriving as trauma therapists.

Next Steps

As we wrap up, please remember the heart of what we've discussed: you are not failing because you find it challenging to completely disconnect from your clients after hours. 

In fact, the advice to always "leave work at work" can be more harmful than helpful, leading to unnecessary guilt and burnout. 

Instead, trust that finding flexible, compassionate ways to transition between your professional and personal life can truly make a difference.

The main takeaways here are simple but knock a punch!

• Embrace Transitional Rituals: Small practices like the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique, changing your shoes, or taking a short walk can signal to your brain that it's time to switch from therapist mode to personal time.

• Capture Vicarious Resilience: Balance the emotional weight of your work by using the Soft Transitions Exercise to capture vicarious resilience and shift your focus from stress to fulfillment.

• Join a Supportive Community: Engage with others who understand your challenges. A group of fellow trauma therapists who really get it, like The BRAVE Trauma Therapist Collective, can provide much-needed solidarity and shared wisdom.

Start exploring and see what works - you might be pleasantly surprised!