I Only Saw Strength - Guest Blog with Sarah Sanders, LMFT
We Have Many Identities as Trauma Therapists
Being a trauma therapist is one of the many hats we wear each day. The funny thing about changing out these hats is that our trauma therapist hat can sometimes have a life of its own and insist to stay on, even when we’re wearing our friend hat, our parent hat, our hobby hat, etc.
We are often taught that we need to have clear boundaries between our work and personal lives/selves, so when our trauma therapist hat refuses to leave our head, we may start asking ourselves “why can’t I just leave work at work, what’s wrong with me?”
One of the most important things I teach in The BRAVE Trauma Therapist Collective is that building and maintaining walls between the different parts of ourselves is an exercise in futility - yes, each of our parts is distinct, but they all exist within us, within our internal system, and walling them off ultimately makes it much more difficult to do the trauma work we love, to be the human beings we value so deeply.
I’m not saying we don’t need healthy boundaries and adaptive ways to transition between the many roles we play, but expecting ourselves to “leave work at work” is setting us up for worsening vicarious trauma and burnout.
Embracing Our Multiple Identities
Any time I am teaching about this in The BRAVE Collective, my dear friend, colleague, and BRAVE member, Sarah Sanders, comes to mind. Sarah is a trauma therapist in northern California, and she has a natural ability to embrace each of her selves, each of her identities, in a way that allows her to show up so authentically in the therapy space. She weaves her strengths as a trauma therapist into other experiences, all while being present with and open to the emotions that are coming up for her.
Sarah often talks about how being a trauma therapist, and doing therapy, is her happy place. It’s where she gets to be connected and engaged and to give back with her whole heart. She has also shared that it can of course be tricky to integrate her strengths as a trauma therapist into her experiences and interactions outside of the therapy space. This skill was recently put to the test for Sarah when her young daughter fell and broke her elbow, requiring not only surgery, but helicopter transport to a specialist hospital!
All throughout this stressful and traumatic experience, Sarah remained connected with her support system, including members of BRAVE. She was so courageous to share her experiences with us, and to allow us to witness the ways she harnessed her abilities as a trauma therapist to care for her daughter, for her self, and to compassionately reflect on the experience and the people who stepped in to help her family.
Sarah reached out to me shortly after her daughter was safely back home, sparkly cast in place on her arm(!), and shared the most beautiful poem that she wrote to help reflect on and honor this experience. Sarah told me she wanted other parents, trauma therapists, and anyone else who needed her words to be able to read her poem, in the hopes that it would help to inspire strength in challenging times.
We are facing many challenging times right now, and as I turn this blog post over to Sarah, I want to encourage you to open your heart to her light - may it help to guide you through any darkness you are facing.
Sarah’s Story of Strength
Every week in my therapy office, I hear my clients’ experiences of heartache and heartbreak. Their emotional wounds tell a story, their story, of what they’ve been through or have seen.
Over the past decade, I’ve seen time and time again that a seemingly “small” negative experience can cause a major trauma. What one person experiences as traumatic may not be what another person experiences as traumatic. That is why we cannot discount any experience someone goes through.
If it’s traumatic to them, it’s traumatic. Period.
We need to also be aware that oftentimes we discount our own trauma and shrug it off as “not a big deal.” At the same time I have witnessed something different time and time again in my office and personally -
Resilience instead of trauma
Strength amidst difficulty
Peace in the face of trouble, and
Strength instead of fear
On the night of Jun 21, 2023, as my family and I were getting ready for bed, my young daughter, who is very independent, climbed up on the counter and was walking along it to get a cup for water. I had no idea she wanted water, let alone was walking on the counter. The sound of her falling off and hitting the floor still makes my stomach sink. In a quick second, my soon to be peaceful night with the kids going to bed, immediately became a crisis as we rushed my daughter to our local ER.
As I reflected on my daughter’s experience breaking her arm and my own experience being with her through the entire process, I kept hearing two different surgeon’s words to me, “the parent holds the trauma” and “the whole process is traumatizing.”
As I thought about my experience, words suddenly filled my heart and mind that had nothing to do with trauma. I saw beauty and strength at every step.
In just a few minutes, I wrote down what I did experience and this poem quickly came to life.
I Only Saw Strength
They told me I’d see trauma,
But I only saw strength.
My daughter’s cries amidst the x-rays,
She was comforted in my arms.
I only saw love.
Her quiet pleading, “I’m firsty Mama.”
But the surgery was coming “soon.”
I only saw patience.
The young ER nurse who listened,
Her own child had an emergency the night before,
I only saw compassion.
The flight nurses chatted with me at 1 am,
They had a deep passion for their work.
I only saw valor.
The 18-year-old who crashed his car into a brick wall,
His Mama putting on a brave face while holding his hand.
I only saw peace.
The 4-day old baby screaming as they searched for a vein,
Her foster mom with 5 kids at home advocating for her.
I only saw bravery.
All of the parents waiting for their kids in surgery,
Holding and leaning on each other.
I only saw hope.
The surgeon and surgical staff who put their personal lives on hold,
To help my whole world’s tiny arm.
I only saw heroes.
My little girl who woke up from surgery,
With a sparkly light blue cast and no pain.
I only saw courage.
Some may see trauma when they look around,
But I only saw strength.
As a trauma therapist specializing in women’s issues, my favorite part is witnessing the power and strength my clients possess and the vicarious resilience that lives on. I hope this poem inspires others to see the strength they and others around them possess, even in the hardest of times.
-Sarah Sanders, LMFT
Next Steps:
Let’s keep it simple this week - if you’re inspired by Sarah’s words, reach out and let her know! You can email her at sarah@sarahsanderslmft.com.
If you live in California and you want to process trauma in a safe and nurturing environment and want to see if Sarah would be a good fit for you, book a free consultation call with her here https://sarahsanderslmft.com
