From Badass to BRAVE: How to SAFELY Take Off your Trauma Therapist Armor
Putting on Armor is an Exercise in Futility
The #1 thing trauma therapists say to me when I encourage them to remove their professional armor is, “So then how am I supposed to protect myself?!”
My response? “Maybe you don’t need to be protected!”
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done all the things to protect myself as a trauma therapist -
Starting sessions just a few minutes late because it will at least delay my brain and body’s stress response
“Sticking to the script” and hiding behind my education as a highly trained trauma therapist
Believing I can “leave work at work”, build some great wall that will magically turn me into another person at the end of my work day
And they all eventually backfired.
Starting sessions late meant my whole day would get shifted. Then, I would feel even more stressed as my unwritten notes piled up and I neglected my physical needs (yep, I pee, eat, and drink just like other humans).
Leaning so heavily on my training meant I was disconnecting from my own humanness, I got stuck, and I couldn’t be flexible to meet my clients where they were in their sessions with me.
Compartmentalizing my work and personal lives was exhausting, and left me feeling so totally alone. I couldn’t be my actual SELF across my different roles, and remembering how and when to do a costume switch took me out of the moment.
Even when I started to realize how draining my “coping mechanisms” were, I resisted change because I didn’t want to be perceived as not cut out for this work.
My thoughts went something like this -
“I am a TRAUMA therapist, I am a BADASS, so therefore I don’t need HELP”
My internal dialogue is all about independence because that was how I overcame my own traumas; as long as I didn’t rely on anyone else, I couldn’t be let down, I couldn’t be beholden, no one could say I wasn’t good enough.
Your inner voice might also say you have to do this alone. Or maybe it says that if you stopped, if you slowed down, you would be in danger. Perhaps you don’t even know why you hang onto your armor so tightly…
How To Safely Remove Your Armor
Like I talked about in my last blog post, I’m not asking you to remove every single piece of armor. Honestly, that would be a TERRIBLE idea!
All humans need defense mechanisms - there is absolutely nothing wrong with using skills to cope with stress.
As I’m sure you’re aware though, problems show up when we begin to OVERuse these coping skills until they are no longer serving us.
Removing our armor as trauma therapists means we need to be intentional as we modify the ways we manage our work and the inevitable experience of vicarious trauma.
This starts with understanding the reasons why we armor up. You now know that many of mine are about independence and having to prove others wrong (prove that I’m worthy).
Why do YOU armor up?
Can you answer this question? I mean, do you really know?
Whether your answer to this question is yes, no, or 🤷🏾♀️, I want you to reflect on the following questions:
What’s the scariest thing about removing my armor?
What’s the worst thing that could happen if I removed my armor?
How did I learn this and is this a good source of information for me now?
Go ahead and grab a journal, record a voice memo, or sit outside as you give yourself time and space with these questions.
The goal here is not to change anything yet, but rather to say hello to the strengths that got you this far as a badass trauma therapist! Remember - there is NOTHING wrong with your armor, and yet, you’re still here reading this because you know something isn’t working anymore.
Next Steps
One of the most important things we can do for ourselves as trauma therapists is to allow for our natural responses to the incredible work we do with our clients.
This is the exact opposite of armoring up and it’s ok to take a dip your toe in approach here.
Something we practice in The BRAVE Trauma Therapist Collective is a visualization practice that helps our brains and bodies move through the beginning, middle, and end of the empathic responses we share with our clients.
I call this “Watch the Fire” and it comes from the super helpful book Reducing Secondary Traumatic Stress by Brian C. Miller.
This is a practice you can use after a difficult situation so that you don’t get stuck in survival mode, unable to remove your armor.
To learn more, head over to our free Facebook group to watch a quick video walk through I made for you and to join the discussion!
And if you want to take the practice of Taming Vicarious Trauma even further, grab my Taming VT Masterclass for just $9!
